Up the ladder. Load in. Down the ladder. Eat some chicken. Up the ladder, record a quick promo vid. Down the ladder to sign off. Up the ladder to go and meet the rest of the guys. Down the ladder because I've forgotten to bring any cash. It's a small miracle that we're even able to lift our things after that small marathon. Still, all in a days work I suppose, for the residents of Falmouth who frequent The Jacob's Ladder Inn... so who are we to complain?
Our third- or is it fourth? I can't remember. Our 'next-in-the-sequence-single-digit-number' of times playing this venue and it's as good a time as any. Small turnout and quiet to begin with, but that doesn't stop the crowd chanting 'Fuck You!' raucously by the end if the night. I... suppose that might require some explanation. But I don't feel like it yet. So, as they say, fuck you.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry...
But, like you may have heard somewhere, the hijinks are there. A big bloke with a beard changes the game early on. He's watching us play with a knowing glint in his eye. Something is about to go down and he knows it, but whatever it is that's happening, he ain't about to show his hand. Mr. Dinosaur slows down into it's middle section as the beard slowly slides off of his barstool...
Confidence in his stride, he swaggers into the middle of the floor. The room is his as he lifts his arms and starts lumbering around like ..well.. like a dinosaur. I love it, the crowd love it, Dan... doesn't love it... but he's CLEARLY loving it! And the ice is broken. Good thing, too. Tonight features a couple of slight alterations. A newly fashioned Birdman and Pirate (In My Heart (Again (For the Millionth Time))) are tried out for the first time. I think it goes well. My eyes are too sweaty for me to know for certain.
Somewhere down the line, a young woman points at Roger and whispers to her friend. She then proceeds to sit front and centre and observe him very, very carefully. He clocks this and somewhat suspiciously, his licks become more extravagant... his backing vocals more erratic and outlandish. He's clearly spraying his stink all over her, although he coyly denies it when brought to task.
People dance and sandals fly across the room as we come to the end of our set. Dan takes a moment to quite Duelling Banjos at the end of the last song and the oddest sensation fills the room. It's like laughter, but it's not quite real. It's almost as if someone switched on a tape of canned laughter. So very very odd as the crowd starts chanting their chorus of 'Fuck You.'
See, we played our Cee Lo cover earlier on and everyone seemed to love it. So their chanting is actually for us to play... well, that song. Time to get all frontmanny and get people singing. Because I'm ever so good at it, of course. My mad 'skillz' pay off once again as I call for people to sing the refrain.
One tiny little female voice in the corner of the room... 'fuckyoooooo!' Quality.
Knackered, the night ends and I crawl up to the bar. I ask the barman if I can have a pint. His response?
Yup.
'Fuck you!'
...igotthepintmindyou...
Setlist for 12/5/12
Quickstep
Inspector Katz
Made With Love
Fuck You (cover)
David Bryant Tried to Section and Kill Me
Mr. Dinosaur
Pirate (in my Heart)
El Miedo
Goose in 4D
Mary the Snowdeer, I Hate You
Birdman
A Miskito Called James
Hey Ya (cover)
Too Late to Mate
My Voice
Love is in the Sole
Dayglow
Herb the Taxi Driver
Chad
Lillipad Lover
---
Bonkers (cover)
The Rules
Fuck You (cover)
Thursday, 17 May 2012
Friday, 4 May 2012
Fart in a Mosh Pit
"Once I was out camping with the lads... and it started to rain," I tell the audience. All eyes in the room are on me as I begin my tale, "so I say to the guys... 'why didn't we bring umbrellas?' If we'd had umbrellas this would all be ok." So far so good... Roger's malfunction seems to have righted itself so it's time to bring this story to it's hilarious conclusion. This will absolutely slay them and they won't see it coming. "And the one girl who was there said: ' who are you people? And please stop sitting on my tent!'"
Absolute silence. I literally don't think I've ever been in a room full of people that have ever been this quiet. Nobody's even talking to each other it's THAT deathly. I turn to the rest of the band for some sort of support. They're looking back at me with a mixture of pity, confusion and mild annoyance. No luck there as I desperately ask Roger if he's ready to play.
What an absolute clanger. I'm actually surprised nobody walked out of the room. I only wish I could walk out of the room but we're halfway through our set at Bunters in support of Brother and Bones. And that one abomination of a humorous story aside, the night is actually going really well. And I mean, like, REALLY well. Since the last time we've played here the stage has been extended and there's a whole new lighting rig that absolutely blows my mind. Looking at it from the right angle I can almost convince myself that I'm playing the Hammersmith Apollo or some other famous venue.
Actually that would be quite a feat. Emptying HA with a story so pointless and asinine that people demand refunds. I must make it happen.
The room is jam packed. The room is actually at full capacity. B&B have sold out the entire venue and as such it's possibly one of the biggest local crowds we've ever played. And this selection of people have definitely been drinking their juice. YOU know the juice I mean. Roger informs me afterwards that some of the admirers at the front of the stage were actually verging on Beatlemania style hysteria at moments. Like when I took my jacket off. Just my jacket.
Screams.
I'm still wearing my t-shirt, mind you. My hair slathered in horrible sweat, giving me a huge, spiky afro. My ginger beard protrudes from my chin like a massive, wet, smelly sponge. Blood red lighting has given my face a rather shiny, evil looking sheen. In short, I look like Satan himself after a heavy workout and I should not be getting frenzied screams for attempting to shed my clothing.
Well, actually, maybe I should. But they'd absolutely be screams of terror...
"AAAGH! NO! PLEASE! PUT IT BACK ON!"
Lapping up the inordinate, but greatly appreciated amount of attention, I try to tell another story. Two for two I'm met with silence. But on the other hand, I do manage to get a room full of people - wall to wall - to make this noise:
Brrrrroooooghhhhhbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbbrrrrrr! And they're delighted to be making that noise. And I'm delighted to watch such a surreal sight take place before my eyes.
So, I guess that's... one for the books?
The gig finishes and a couple of lasses come up asking the band to sign their wristbands. They find themselves a pen and we get to it. I sign them and then Dan steps up to sign them.
Roger takes the pen and turns to the girls. Just in time to watch them turn around and walk off. And that's not the only denial he's met with tonight. Later on in the crowd watching B&B a bloke turns around and recognizes me. He gives me a fist bump and Roger spots him. In a moment that will stick with me for months, Roger extends his fist to get in on the action and is once more DENIED as the bloke absently turns his back on him. Roger is nothing if not consistent.
A pit starts out. A modest pit by most of my reader's standards I'm sure but one nonetheless. As the pit gets rowdier and rowdier, Roger makes me collapse into fits for the third time that night has he strikes a defensive pose from the perimiter edge. As the pit starts to undulate in his direction, he puts up his fists and starts jabbing at the pit in a boxing stance. He does not manage to stem the flow. All in all he's having a pretty rubbish night. I, on the other hand, am enjoying every minute of his night.
Unfortunately, I turn out to be that guy. And to anyone who experienced this moment with me in the pit that happens to be reading this, I can only apologize over and over again. I fart. I fart with as much intensity as I do shame. And believe me, I make my presence known. Duly chastized by Holly for my behaviour, I leave.
So all in all, that's one to beat. Thanks to all the supporters for their screamy, hysterical support, thanks to Brother and Bones for choosing us to support them and thanks to everyone reading. Had an absolutely awesome time.
Setlist for 4/5/12:
Quickstep
Inspector Katz
Too Late to Mate
Mr. Dinosaur
Lillipad Lover
El Miedo
Dayglow
Chad
Herb the Taxi Driver
Bonkers (cover)
The Rules
Absolute silence. I literally don't think I've ever been in a room full of people that have ever been this quiet. Nobody's even talking to each other it's THAT deathly. I turn to the rest of the band for some sort of support. They're looking back at me with a mixture of pity, confusion and mild annoyance. No luck there as I desperately ask Roger if he's ready to play.
What an absolute clanger. I'm actually surprised nobody walked out of the room. I only wish I could walk out of the room but we're halfway through our set at Bunters in support of Brother and Bones. And that one abomination of a humorous story aside, the night is actually going really well. And I mean, like, REALLY well. Since the last time we've played here the stage has been extended and there's a whole new lighting rig that absolutely blows my mind. Looking at it from the right angle I can almost convince myself that I'm playing the Hammersmith Apollo or some other famous venue.
Actually that would be quite a feat. Emptying HA with a story so pointless and asinine that people demand refunds. I must make it happen.
The room is jam packed. The room is actually at full capacity. B&B have sold out the entire venue and as such it's possibly one of the biggest local crowds we've ever played. And this selection of people have definitely been drinking their juice. YOU know the juice I mean. Roger informs me afterwards that some of the admirers at the front of the stage were actually verging on Beatlemania style hysteria at moments. Like when I took my jacket off. Just my jacket.
Screams.
I'm still wearing my t-shirt, mind you. My hair slathered in horrible sweat, giving me a huge, spiky afro. My ginger beard protrudes from my chin like a massive, wet, smelly sponge. Blood red lighting has given my face a rather shiny, evil looking sheen. In short, I look like Satan himself after a heavy workout and I should not be getting frenzied screams for attempting to shed my clothing.
Well, actually, maybe I should. But they'd absolutely be screams of terror...
"AAAGH! NO! PLEASE! PUT IT BACK ON!"
Lapping up the inordinate, but greatly appreciated amount of attention, I try to tell another story. Two for two I'm met with silence. But on the other hand, I do manage to get a room full of people - wall to wall - to make this noise:
Brrrrroooooghhhhhbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbbrrrrrr! And they're delighted to be making that noise. And I'm delighted to watch such a surreal sight take place before my eyes.
So, I guess that's... one for the books?
The gig finishes and a couple of lasses come up asking the band to sign their wristbands. They find themselves a pen and we get to it. I sign them and then Dan steps up to sign them.
Roger takes the pen and turns to the girls. Just in time to watch them turn around and walk off. And that's not the only denial he's met with tonight. Later on in the crowd watching B&B a bloke turns around and recognizes me. He gives me a fist bump and Roger spots him. In a moment that will stick with me for months, Roger extends his fist to get in on the action and is once more DENIED as the bloke absently turns his back on him. Roger is nothing if not consistent.
A pit starts out. A modest pit by most of my reader's standards I'm sure but one nonetheless. As the pit gets rowdier and rowdier, Roger makes me collapse into fits for the third time that night has he strikes a defensive pose from the perimiter edge. As the pit starts to undulate in his direction, he puts up his fists and starts jabbing at the pit in a boxing stance. He does not manage to stem the flow. All in all he's having a pretty rubbish night. I, on the other hand, am enjoying every minute of his night.
Unfortunately, I turn out to be that guy. And to anyone who experienced this moment with me in the pit that happens to be reading this, I can only apologize over and over again. I fart. I fart with as much intensity as I do shame. And believe me, I make my presence known. Duly chastized by Holly for my behaviour, I leave.
So all in all, that's one to beat. Thanks to all the supporters for their screamy, hysterical support, thanks to Brother and Bones for choosing us to support them and thanks to everyone reading. Had an absolutely awesome time.
Setlist for 4/5/12:
Quickstep
Inspector Katz
Too Late to Mate
Mr. Dinosaur
Lillipad Lover
El Miedo
Dayglow
Chad
Herb the Taxi Driver
Bonkers (cover)
The Rules
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